Saturday, March 21, 2009

TOP TEN MOST-WANTED LIST - May 2009

1.
Red-throated Loon
L 25" ws 36" wt 3.1 lb
Last seen wearing: a brick red scarf and dark-brown coat with a grey hood.
Wanted for: Its mocking up-turned bill as well as being an annual species that every Ontario bird has seen except one Jeremy Hatt.


2.
Blue Grosbeak
L 6.75" ws 11" wt 28g
Last seen wearing: Suspect was female, wearing a pale brown coat, accented with blue stitching and chestnut shoulder patches.
Wanted for: Not appearing in court, May, 2008, and for working with Indigo Buntings to consistently fool amateur birders who issue false reports.
- Anyone with information on the whereabouts of this species should contact Jeremy Hatt immediately. $10,000 reward.


3.
King Rail
L 15" ws 20" wt 360g
Last seen wearing: unknown. Witness reports are hazy and the suspect is rarely seen so as to get an accurate description.
Wanted for: Hiding in private property, noise complaints, and evading birdwatchers wanting another check on their life-lists.


4.
Black-necked Stilt
L 14" ws 29" wt 160g
Last seen wearing: Suspect was on stilts and wearing a black coat and white vest.
Wanted for: Being one of the newest additions to the Pelee Birding Circle list but not staying around long enough for one Jeremy Hatt to purchase a Greyhound ticket and see the bird.


5.
Franklin's Gull
L 14.5" ws 36" wt 280g
Last seen wearing: black hood to conceal identity, black gloves, and a grey and white shirt stained with a touch of pink; possibly blood from its latest victim.
Wanted for: The murder of Arctic explorer Sir John Franklin and stealing his identity.


6.
Hermit Warbler
L 5” ws 8” wt 9.2g
Last seen wearing: much duller colours than usual, attempting to blend in with the common Black-throated Green Warbler.
Wanted for: Various criminal activity and illegal border crossing (alleged video taken of suspect never surfaced. Please report to OBRC with any further documentation).


7.
Townsend’s Warbler
L 5” ws 8” wt 8.8g
Last seen wearing: Black and yellow bee costume.
Wanted for: Aiding and abetting in fraudulent reports in 2008 to confuse and anger birders.


8.
Swainson’s Warbler
L 5.5” ws 9” wt 19g
Last seen wearing: Non-descript brown jumpsuit with rufous ball-cap.
Wanted for: Tax evasion and fraud.


9.
Swallow-tailed Kite
L 22” ws 51” wt 420g
Last seen wearing:
Wanted for: Arriving hours after the Mississippi Kite in May of 2000, causing extreme disappointment among dedicated birders who had already waited 3 hours for the first bird and had to leave to avoid sun stroke.


10.
Fork-tailed Flycatcher
L 10” ws 14” wt 29g
Last seen wearning: Black and white tuxedo with exceedingly long tails in the back.
Wanted for: Crimes relating to the death of a fellow family member and subsequent return to the crime-scene years later but still missed by one Jeremy Hatt.
- $1,000,000 Reward

3 comments:

Blake A. Mann said...

I still need the last two birds. I will help contribute to the reward money!

Backcountry Balkwills said...

Jeremy, this is awesome! Don't worry, this spring you will get a few of those, and probably some surprises you don't have on your list :)

Blake A. Mann said...

I need #6 also. Suspect had left the scene of the crime by the time I got there early the next morning.
(Never to be seen again!)